I'm on a journey trying to identify why I, in the past, have allowed toxic people in my life. I've read that if you don't love yourself then you will allow people that can't love you in your life. Learning to love self is sometimes a difficult thing to do. The enemy bombards us with self defeating thoughts that will leave us feeling unworthy and unloved. The truth is we are loved by God with the purest truest form of love that exist. His love is perfect. When we have God in our hearts we are love.
I came across this blog post by Jenna Ryan. It was good and I wanted to share it. If you find yourself allowing toxic people in your life, this may help you.
100 Traits of Toxic People
by: Jenna Ryan
Toxic people wreck your life. When you have trouble loving yourself, that's when you're the most susceptible to being lured into relationships with toxic people. You see, toxic people treat you like you're worthless. If you think that you are worthless, or if you're not secure in who you are, then you will have difficulty noticing poor treatment. You will also have trouble setting boundaries against attacks and protecting yourself from harm.
A toxic person causes pain, confusion and turmoil in the lives of those around him or her. Their toxic relational styles flows like poison into your heart, mind and soul. The sad part is that when it happens, when we don't know our worth, we blame ourselves.
Toxic people are all around. Not everyone is friend-worthy. If someone hurts you, disrespects you or dishonors you, that person is not safe for you. You may love that person, but as long as they are toxic, they are not healthy for you and therefore must be pushed away or avoided altogether.
This article will give you clues to toxic people so you can avoid getting involved with them in the future. Keep away from toxic people and save yourself much grief and turmoil later.
1. They have grandiose air about them, boasting and bragging about how wonderful they are.
2. Flatter you by giving you an inordinate amount of attention, money or time early-on in the relationship.
3. Cannot admit faults or flaws
4. Not true to values and norms of society; lacking character.
5. Disrespect you, do not return your call(s); ignores you, avoids you.
6. Refuse to deal with issues in the relationship that you bring up.
7. Blame you when you're upset because of something they did to you.
8. Overly agreeable at first.
9. Try to make you feel guilty when you're concerned over something they did to disrespect you.
10. Mimic you.
11. Put you down.
12. Blames world for their problems
13. Show up late for appointments or cancel at the last minute.
14. Expect you to always come to them, rather than give-and-take.
15. Does not listen to your concerns about the relationship or interactions.
16. They are actively addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, etc.....
17. They need to inordinate amount of attention or high regard from those around them.
18. They are continually worried about position or rank.
19. They are overly competitive.
20. They put you down in any way.
21. Try to make you envious by rubbing your nose in their good fortune.
22. Seems to be envious of you.
23. Set-up outings with your other friends without inviting you.
24. Try to create triangles by involving 3rd parties into your disagreements.
25. Talk behind your back or gossip about others.
26. Continually down, depressed and having catastrophes.
27. Try to leave you out of the crowd.
28. Refuses to acknowledge your needs.
29. Fail to look you in the eye when you're talking.
30. Lack of compassion for what you're going through.
31. Refuse to share about themselves equally.
32. Label you or stereotype you.
33. Refuse to acknowledge mistakes.
34. Refuse to apologize for wrongs.
35. Act entitled to special treatment.
37. Tells lies, exaggerates constantly.
38. Down plays your accomplishments.
39. By your side when you're down, then withdraws from you when you're doing well.
40. Defensive about everything you do.
41. Refuse to validate your perception of reality.
42. Attempt to tell you how you feel or tell you how you are.
43. Constantly criticizing.
44. Acts like they worship the ground you walk on one day, then like you don't exist the next.
45. Makes you feel worthless.
46. Orders you or bosses you around.
47. Is overly reliant on parents or another person.
48. Won't go out of their way for you, even when you go out of your way for them.
49. Ignores your texts, emails or calls at any time. (Big sign of disrespect!)
50. Does not support you.
51. Belittles your ambitions.
52. Speaks negatively about your friends, job, life.
53. Acts like he or she is always in a hurry, with very little time for you.
54. Acts as though he or she is doing you a favor by talking to you or listening to you.
55. Treats you as less than if you do not prescribe to their dogma, religion or doctrine.
56. Talks bad about those who are mentally ill, sick or hurting.
57. Tries to turn you into their administrative assistant.
58. Confusing attitudes that change day-by-day.
59. Does not keep word.
60. Seems to be more interested in power than in relationship.
61. Seems to be more concerned about what others think than about your relationship.
62. Treats you as though he or she is angry, without giving explanation.
63. Knowingly makes comments that are contrary to your convictions.
64. Tries to change you.
65. Insults your body, clothing, personality or anything about you.
66. Not available when you need him or her most.
67. Cannot talk about anything other than surface, materialistic or vain topics.
68. Does not share information with you that they have that may help you excel in life.
69. Constantly complains or whines.
70. Has anger issues, rages, hates.
71. Play games.
73. Continues to ask the same question after you've told them you don't want to answer it.
74. Chews you out for no reason.
76. Uses money or flattery to control you.
77. Tells you what to do, how to think, what to feel.
78. Tells you one thing, then denies he/she said it.
79. Brings up your faults, flaws or past mistakes.
80. Brings up topics every time you see them that they know you'd rather not discuss.
81. Blows up, flies off handle for no reason.
82. Always needs to be in the center of attention.
83. Cool toward you when you succeed, get attention or look good.
85. Challenges everything you say.
87. Black or white thinking - no gray area.
88. Moves too fast, wants to become instant friends, lovers, in relationship.
89. Ignores your boundaries.
90. Exploits you.
91. Idealizes you.
92. Acts pompous towards you.
93. Acts condescending towards you.
94. Agrees with your adversaries instead of supporting you.
95. Acts like they know more than you, better than you about what you need to do in your life.
96. Bitter, vindictive or vengeful.
97. Selfish, stingy.
98. Rushes you.
99. Withholds affection.
100. Kicks you when you're down.
This journey is freeing to me. I love myself enough to detach from people that suck the life out of me. I feel empowered by what I am learning. I hope this helps you as well. It's okay to love yourself enough to only let the best in your life. God Bless!!